AUTHOR: KEFILWE MABOTE AND LEBO GRAND
PUBLISHED: 1 APRIL 2020
PUBLISHER: HUMAN & ROUSSEAU
GIRL BOSS RATING: 4/5
We knew her as Kefi Boo and now her Instagram handle is her real name Kefilwe Mabote. She is one of the leading influencers in South Africa. Kefilwe Mabote is a 31-year-old female who has made a name for herself from Soweto all the way to Milan. This girl boss has 992k followers on her page and has worked with amazing brands.
Her book is a cross between a business guide and memoir, she shares her journey of humble beginning in Soweto to the World’s fashion capital Milan, hence the sub-title of the book. This book is truly the perfect guide for someone who is starting a business or tapping into the influencer world. She touches on what fuels her motivation and drives to achieve greatness. She says “Sometimes it takes anger to be successful… there are successful people who were driven by poverty, some were driven by fear of being average, while others were motivated by the belief that the future could be better than the present. In my case, the emotion was anger”. For years people looked at Kefilwe and saw a pretty face. Jumped to the conclusion that she was a beauty with no brains. She shares that it was her mission to silence the naysayers and bullies who didn’t want to see her as more.
Finding your voice has to be one of the hardest things to do in the process of self-discovery. I really enjoyed how Kefilwe emphasised on knowing your voice, having a voice, and using your voice to make a difference. Her journey is transparent as she highlights that being a strong and confident woman isn’t something you will achieve overnight. Another section I really liked in her book was “Charge what you’re worth”. We often are very scared to charge according to our values or capability. This section of the book can be related to many spheres of your life. Not just business. it’s very important to know your worth. Once you do, you won’t take nonsense or less than.
So as seen above, I’ll give this book a 4/5. Your question might be why not 5, well because I didn’t read the book in one go. I read it in sections. I’ll blame my busy schedule but I think any other person with more free time can finish it in one go. If you are an influencer or aspiring influencer, this is the perfect book for you. It will motivate you and guide you on the right path. You will find yourself answering important questions.
Kefilwe Mabote is in her own lane, chasing after her dreams and isn’t letting society or abantu bazothini syndrome stop her. Worth the purchase and read.
28 June 1969. New York City. Stonewall Inn, a bar located in Greenwich Village, frequented by the gay community, was raided by the police. Patrons within the establishment were taken outside in order to be arrested. The tension caused by the raid continued increasing with patrons resisting arrest and a growing crowd becoming more and more animated. Soon coins and bottles were being thrown at the police officers. The underlying energy that had been building up in the New York gay community, after years of harassment by the authorities, exploded and resulted in three days of protest.
These protests became the spark for the rise of emerging gay rights movements. This led to the formation of organisations, meetings with politicians, and more positive conversations in the public with regard to the gay community. The original organisers decided to make June, Pride Month as a means of paying homage to the Stonewall protests of 1969. The Pride name came from Brenda Howard, a bisexual activist from New York. She was nicknamed “Mother of Pride”. She is credited for organising the first Pride parade as a way to commemorate the first anniversary of the Stonewall protest. The rainbow flag and colours are other highlights of Pride Month. The flag was designed by artist and designer Gilbert Baker after being commissioned by Harvey Milk, an openly gay elected official in the USA. Baker, who was also a gay rights activist took inspiration from the diverse interests within the queer community and used the colours of the rainbow to represent that diversity.
June is Pride Month. This is the month in which the world’s LGBTQIA+ communities come together in order to celebrate themselves and their freedom to be. LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer, intersexual, and asexual. Here’s a breakdown of the LGBTQIA+ community:
• Gay people and lesbians are people attracted to people of the same sex. Lesbians are women in this instance.
• Bisexual people are attracted to people of their gender as well as other genders.
• A person is transsexual when they feel emotionally and psychologically as if they belong to the opposite sex.
• Queer is an umbrella term referring to non-straight people.
• Intersex refers to those whose sex is not clearly defined because of genetic, hormonal, and biological differences.
• Asexual describes those people who do not feel any sexual attraction. The plus is for the people who recognise themselves as gender-fluid, whose gender identity shifts according to the situation or time.
Pride gatherings came about as a fightback against continued prejudice that resulted in the loss of dignity, opportunities, and even death. This was a decades’ long fight for the LGBTQIA+ community to be accepted as who they are. Pride events are geared towards being an inclusive space in which all people are allowed to be present, even people who identify as heterosexual. It should be noted that a greater emphasis is placed on people who feel that their sexual identity falls outside the boundaries of the mainstream.
Pride events usually take place in June but it is a common place for different cities around the world to host them during different periods of time. For example in 2020, the Cape Town Gay Pride was largely held during the month of February, from the 14th of February until the 1st of March. The first Lesbian and Gay pride march in South Africa was held in Johannesburg on 13 October 1990. It was the very first march of its kind to be held in Africa. One of the outstanding facts about that march was that it was both a pro-queer and anti-apartheid protest. The Gay and Lesbian Organisation of the Witwatersrand (GLOW) was the organiser of the march and it attracted a sizable crowd of around 800 people. The march was attended by Beverly Ditsie, Simon Nkoli, and Judge Edwin Cameron. Simon Nkoli, who was an anti-apartheid, gay rights and AIDS activist, spoke at the march and the following are his words, “I am black and I am gay. I cannot separate the two parts of me into primary or secondary struggles. They will be all one struggle.” These were still dangerous times in South Africa so a large portion of the crowd was wearing masks. There was a notable presence of religious groups and onlookers who described the march as “disgusting”. The event was an important foundation for Pride marches as each province in South Africa currently hosts one.
South Africa was the first country in the world to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation. It was also the fifth country to legalise same sex marriage. Same sex couples are allowed to adopt children. LGBTQIA+ community are protected from discrimination due to constitutional and statutory protections. South Africa is one of the most accommodating countries in Africa, however, the LGBTQIA community still suffers from homophobic violence such as corrective rape. On the 21st of March, a lesbian teen was stabbed 13 times for accidently bumping into a man. The young female died a painful death due to homophobia. South Africa still has a long way to go.
Pride Month is an important institution in the LGBTQIA+ community. It is an important platform that can be used for many reasons to improve the lives and livelihoods of people within its community. It should be supported and allowed to span its wings even further.
Have you seen a picture of your body from two years ago and thought “wow, my body was so fit and amazing”, however, at that time you didn’t think so and would found fault in all areas. That is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)! Or when you look in the mirror and see a skinny girl with sadness when in fact, your body is thick and healthy. That is Body Dysmorphic Disorder! BDD is a mental health condition where a person worries about their appearance and flaws. These flaws are usually not noticeable to others.
I’m sure you are wondering, what if I’m just insecure? And yes, that’s a valid question. There can be confusion between BDD and low self-esteem. BDD is characterized by being overly preoccupied with your flaws. It’s more extensive because the individual can be affected to the point of inability to function normally. it will have an impact on their emotional, social educational, or occupational welfare. Their behaviours will develop into obsessive actions such as checking their appearance 100 times throughout the day.
So how do you spot it? The symptoms of BDD are constantly worrying about certain areas of your body, comparing yourself to other people, avoiding mirrors or always looking into the mirror, finding ways to conceal your flaws e.g. baggy clothing, apply too much makeup, hairstyles which hide your face and self-harm. This disorder can lead to further mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. BDD isn’t considered an eating disorder, however, it can trigger anorexia nervosa, bulimia, or binge eating as it has to do with appearance. One might feel the need to eat more or less depending on what they are struggling with.
Vast studies have been conducted to get to the root of BDD, the causes are not specifically known. However, they can be associated with:
• Traumatic life experiences such as teasing, bullying, and abuse. These experiences could have taken place at any point.
• Genetics – having relatives with a history of BDD or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
• A chemical imbalance in the brain (usually associated with anxiety or depression).
• Unrealistic societal pressures or expectations of beauty standards.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder can be life-changing. It can steal joy and prevent one from living their best life. A person needs to have confidence in their self to feel good and overcome fears. Therefore, treatment is a must and seeking help get one to a place of good health. It is recommended that you visit a GP and from there you will be transferred to the appropriate specialist.
These are some of the different treatments that may be given to someone diagnosed with BDD:
1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
At the beginning of therapy, you will discuss goals and what you’d like to achieve from the session. CBT will help you change your mindset. Therefore, change how you think and behave. The therapist will help you identify triggers. You will then be given strategies on how to deal with the trigger and habits. It won’t be easy as it entails exposing emotions and feelings you might not want to confront. If you are a minor family therapy can be included, so that parents are well aware of the root of the problem.
2. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)
SSRI’s are a type of antidepressant. Antidepressants are effective if used correctly. One must be monitored when on them. It takes about 12 weeks to the medication to have an impact on your symptoms. You will take to take them for months before coming off. Nevertheless, coming off SSRIs has to be done slowly by the reduction of the dose. This is done to prevent withdrawal symptoms as it can be a side effect of stopping abruptly.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder is actually quite common, many celebrities experience it. Kim Kardashian as admitted to BDD and has had numerous surgeries to ‘fix’ what she didn’t like. Michael Jackson is one of the biggest celebrities in recent history to suffer from BDD going to extreme measure to change the colour of his skin from black to white. And in South Africa we have seen an increasing trend of celebrities like Khanyi Mbau also bleaching their skin, this is also BDD.
Having a disorder such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder can take away from you. We all deserve to live full lives centered on fulfilling our purpose. We all deserve to be happy and comfortable in our skin because at the end of the day, the body we have is ours to keep forever. If you are dealing with this disorder, we want you to know that you are worthy, valued, loved, and appreciated.
Okay, let’s face it. I’ve been waiting for the longest time for gyms to reopen and for me to pick up my old exercising habits once again, but that does not seem anywhere close to my near future. I have accepted this and have decided to revert to my basic training days when a gym membership was not a privilege. So back in 2015, I witnessed my greatest weight loss transformation. When I mean transformation, I mean that a girl worked extremely hard to achieve those results. But back then l was mostly at home and didn’t have that many commitments. I try not to use this as an excuse. But it’s true. When you find yourself at home, it’s easier to set your mind on achieving something, especially regarding your body because there aren’t that many distractions to your disposal. I mean you can only watch TV for so long before it tires you. And so, I set out on working on my body.
The first thing I did was log on to my social media pages and looked for images of people who were known for being fitness gurus. This was not too difficult to find. However, they always posted their workout recommendations, from 15 min workout to full body workouts, etc. I also decided to download some home training videos that focused on different types of training from Hip Hop Abs, to Yoga, to Core workouts, lower back training, arms, and legs. The videos honestly helped me the most because they had momentum. They motivate you to finish what you started.
I knew my diet had to change. I probably had one big last crappy meal, cleansed my system, and began on a new foot. I will post something on diets soon. But I mostly consumed less starch, because I knew my body reacted the most to foods that were harder to digest, and stuck to white meat and seafood too. Understanding my body type meant that I had to train for my body type. I would consider myself gifted, in the sense that the universe did really bless me with a little bit of everything, depriving me of nothing. You can actually say that when I gain weight I gain weight in every inch of my body, and when I lose weight the same applies. Cardio training was high on my training routine followed by muscle building and core strength. But before anything I first had to shed a great amount of fat.
Running outside is the BEST and by far the most EFFICIENT way to burn calories. I would prefer running in the early mornings as the air was crisp and this would motivate me to stick to my clean eating habits throughout the day. You get better the more you train and your stamina improves. This is also a great way to warm up your muscles and to get your blood pumping. If you don’t know how long you should run for, at least run until you break a sweat. My exercise choice would differ every day but here are some recommendations:
• THE 100 WORKOUT
100 JUMPING JACKS
70 LEG LIFT
60 JUMPING JACKS
30 LEG LIFTS
20 JUMPING JACKS
RUN FOR 10 MINUTES
• SPELL YOUR NAME & SURNAME!
A: 50 JUMPING JACKS
B: 20 CRUNCHES
C: 30 SQUATS
D: 15 PUSH-UPS
E: 1-MINUTE WALL SIT
F: 10 BURPEES
G: 20 SEC. ARM CIRCLES
H: 20 SQUATS
I: 30 JUMPING JACKS
J: 15 CRUNCHES
K: 10 PUSH-UPS
L: 2-MINUTE WALL SIT
M: 20 BURPEES
N: 40 JUMPING JACKS
O: 25 BURPEES
P: 15 SEC. ARM CIRCLES
Q: 30 CRUNCHES
R: 15 PUSH-UPS
S: 30 BURPEES
T: 15 SQUATS
U: 30 SEC. ARM CIRCLES
V: 3 MINUTE WALL SIT
W: 20 BURPEES
X: 60 JUMPING JACKS
Y: 10 CRUNCHES
Z: 10 PUSH-UPS
• SATURDAY WORKOUT – Repeat 5x, 25 reps each
2. Wall Push-ups
3. Jumping Jacks
4. Shoulder touches
6. High knees
• ABS THURSDAY – Repeat 5x
1. 15 raised leg circles
2. 20 leg raises
3. 12 scissors
4. 20 flutter kicks
5. 20 mountain climbers
6. 20 knee pull-ins
• FRIDAY WORKOUT – Repeat 5x, 20 reps each
3. Mountain climbers
5. Jumping Lunges
6. Cross punch sit-ups
7. Bicycle crunches
8. Leg raises
9. Side plank crunches
There are a countless number of these kinds of workouts that you can source pretty much anywhere. All it takes is dedication and consistency. And they are perfect because you can do all of these at home, including the home workout videos. It gets even better and you get even stronger when you start adding weights into the mix. This, together with a clean and healthy diet and tones of water, and you’re set for a new you, all in the comfort of your home.