When someone says, “it’s time to heal and move forward”, sometimes at that moment you think “where do I start, how does one heal, what does that even mean?!?!” Or that time heals all wounds?
Healing is a complex concept which needs understanding. We all have experienced some sort of hurt here and there and need to process it. I know in my younger days, I didn’t understand the concept of healing and would suppress my emotions with the thought “it will pass on its own”. But no, I was wrong. It catches up with you.
What I have come to realise and know for sure is that our human experience is a continuous journey of learning, unlearning and healing right until we are old. The sooner we understand and accept this, easier it becomes. Every interaction we have is an opportunity to learn and heal.
According to the NCBI website, healing is defined as “the process of bringing together aspects of one’s self, body-mind-spirit, at deeper levels of inner knowing, leading toward integration and balance with each aspect having equal importance and value.” So, when I see this definition, the phrase “pulling myself towards myself “comes to mind, so basically working on realigning and finding the balance to be whole. So, I am sharing a very basic guide on healing that I have found has helped me:
1. Identify The hurt
If you find yourself having restless nights, that is an indication that something is bothering you. It means something is on your mind and needs to be looked at. You will need to scan through your emotions and identify what you are truly feeling. Even if it means digging through circumstances that took place a long time ago. This is not always easy to do, sometimes something that happened recently triggers an underlying hurt from as far back as childhood.
You will need to ask yourself “Why”. The question “why” will come up a lot as it will help you break down the pain. E.g. “Why don’t I feel comfortable looking at myself in the mirror?” because not looking into the mirror is actually projecting self-denial. Another example can be, “Why do I chase love?” because there is the fear of not being loved. That’s how you will break it down bit by bit. But that is also just the beginning. To really get down to the root of it, you have to go back to the first time you felt fear of not being loved and heal that aspect of yourself, otherwise this will keep replaying itself in different ways in your life.
Then it’s important to ask ‘’How”, how will I heal this? The answer is Everyday. It’s an everyday practice where you’ll have to reprogram your mind. This means you also have to be patient with yourself. If you are healing from something that took place 5 years ago, you can’t expect to work through it in two days. Changing your mindset takes time.
Once you have identified why and how you should know that you are not the only one who has gone through this. There is a whole community, so you are not alone. Therefore, go further by doing research. Google the problem and read up on it. Many articles and journals will provide strategies and activities one can do it get to a place of acceptance and self-love.
5. It’ A Process
You have to understand the power of your mind. It can reprogram itself, the same way you programmed yourself into insecurity. It will take time and you have to give yourself light, space, room to grow, and change. Healing is a lifelong process and you have embrace yourself. Accept yourself. Accept the emotions you feel. Accept the tears. Accept you will be happy in the morning and sad in the evening. It’s a process and it’s not linear. You have to be gentle with yourself.
Write it all down. It’s good to document the process. Write the good, bad, ugly, and pretty. It will be good to look back and see the progress.
7. Get Help
It is hard going through a healing process. The fact that we need to heal means a part of our Self is fractured, and sometimes the fractured self cannot heal itself, it just creates a deflection in order to preserve itself and survive. It is advisable to seek assistance from a therapist. There are different kinds of therapists, and different therapists work well for different problems. It is important to choose a therapist that you are comfortable with, with whom you can be completely vulnerable with. And remember, it can never a one session ‘cure,’ it is still a process working with a therapist.
Healing is beautiful. It is a beautiful process where you really get intimate with yourself and come face to face with yourself. Healing is the peeling back of layers to get to your true, loving Self. In healing ourselves, we heal each other, we heal the world.